I recently had a dream.
I was at the local swimming pool watching two sisters have a swimming race. The younger sister had been given a head start. She was swimming as fast as she could to reach the end of the pool first only to have the older sister reach over the top of her at the last minute to tap the end of the pool just before she did. The older sister proclaimed, “ha, ha I beat you”. As I watched I started to cry and cry and pulled the younger sister to me hugging her and telling her I know how she felt. I woke up from my dream, my face wet with tears and exhausted from all my crying.
I realized that this was a reflection of my own childhood, (from which I can report I have now recovered). I was the youngest in my family with three older brothers who were all very talented at sport and it seemed to me everything they did.
When we played together they would give me a head start, play left handed or blind folded and still manage to beat me. I never seemed to be able to win or succeed at our games. I was gifted at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory every time.
I grew up with a strong sense of being loved and accepted but of not being very clever.
What was lacking in my own childhood, an opportunity to succeed, Phil and I have attempted to build into our own family. We have tried to identify the gifts and talents in each of our children and give them an opportunity to succeed in their area of talent and interest.
As youngsters they all had an interest in sport and they reached their potential in those areas. Sometimes they weren’t the best in the team but the emphasis was on their effort. Did you do your best? How did you feel about your performance? What could you have done to differently?
If we want our children to grow up as princes not paupers it’s important to enable them to succeed and to gain confidence in their God given gifts.
Lavishing compliments on youngsters for doing simple tasks can actually demotivate them. Unnecessary praise can also make children unaware of how hard they need to work to really achieve something. If we allow them to take on challenges where they know they have done their best and succeeded we can give them genuine praise for their effort and the result.
Our Bible heroes David and Joseph both had brother issues but God used those challenges to build character into these guys. They also knew what they were good at.
If its not clearly evident what your children are good at, ask God to show you so you can give them opportunities to succeed even if it’s the smallest thing. “If any of you lack wisdom… ask God who gives generously… and it will be given” James 1:5
Jan East
Children and Families Pastor
